I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
