I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
