you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
