One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
