If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
