Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Mom said you looked used
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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