Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
