My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
