the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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