Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
