Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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