Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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