I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
