He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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