You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
