we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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