He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
