i don't like sucking hair
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
