someone threw a dead crab at me
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
