walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
