Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
