I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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