Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
