It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
