Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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