is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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