I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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