I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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