and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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