His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
