Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
