Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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