we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
