i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
