I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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