He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
