I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
