drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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