i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
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so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
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We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..