Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
