i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
