put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
