I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
