I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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