Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
