I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
