Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
