Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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