My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
