batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
