I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
