You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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