I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
