The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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