wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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