He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
