I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
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There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
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Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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