when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
