So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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