She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
