i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just want nice things and good sex
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
