Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
