Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
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If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
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I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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