I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
