I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
