we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
