Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
