my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
