Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
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