oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I want to be your penis for a week.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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