apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
