I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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