i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
