I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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