Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
