I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
