Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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