I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
